


Fireflies

by agent_florida



Series: MPD Church [3]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-06
Updated: 2010-03-06
Packaged: 2017-11-23 16:57:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/624461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/agent_florida/pseuds/agent_florida
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Child is catching fireflies in Valhalla, and while Wash and Tucker watch him, they have a little heart-to-heart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fireflies

There were fireflies in Valhalla when Tucker saw it for the first time.  
  
All of it was beautiful, of course: the waterfall behind Blue Base, the stream through the valley leading to Red Base, the small patches of pure white snow, the swathes of green grass so different from all the brown deadness of Sand Trap and Blood Gulch, the play of light and shadow against the scar of the downed Pelican by the cliff face. But the most beautiful thing of all, to Tucker’s eyes, was seeing Church in his new organic form, dressed in Tucker’s own clothes, playing at trapping fireflies. He was weaving in and out of a copse of a few trees in the middle of the valley along with Caboose, and his arms were reaching out clumsily to grasp at the little specks of light. Most beatific of all, though, was the smile on his face, briefly illuminated by the soft light, so innocent and child-like. To see it better, Tucker took off his helmet, holding it in his lap as he overlooked the scene from a ridge above the creek.  
  
“At least he’s letting the Child out to play.”  
  
Tucker turned around to see Wash behind him, taking his helmet off to let Tucker see his true face. He didn’t know how old the Freelancer was, but he shouldn’t have looked that grizzled: a scar lanced up angrily from his jaw, and his hair was graying. He probably wasn’t even forty. The look on his face was a little disturbing to Tucker; he didn’t want anyone else looking at Church that way. “I thought you said he wouldn’t have control over the i-frags for a while,” he said, turning back to watch Church.  
  
Wash sighed, and before Tucker could tell him to go away, he was pulling up a seat next to him so he could watch the same scene. “He won’t. But something in there is making sure Omega isn’t in control.”  
  
“I thought you said the Alpha was the strongest personality – that the Alpha would always default to being in control,” Tucker griped.  
  
“Alpha always did like being in control,” Wash mused off-handedly. When Tucker looked over at him, the look on Wash’s face as he watched Church was one of pity… almost one of compassion. And it sickened him.  
  
“And now he’s not. He’s a complete mess.” But at least he looked happy, Tucker mused as he watched Church’s body, the Child’s personality, snatch a bug out of the air and hold it in his now-glowing hands.  
  
“Tucker.” He ignored the Freelancer; frankly, the older man could fuck off for all Tucker cared. “Tucker, please.” Okay, that was weird, because he never asked for anything. He looked over and met the Freelancer’s cold, dead eyes and felt a chill spread through his body. “Do you trust me?”  
  
“No, dude.”  
  
“Why not?” At least he was ticking Wash off; he could tell by that tone that the Freelancer was losing his patience. “I saved your ass back at Sand Trap. If it hadn’t been for my intervention, we would have been chased back here by your alien ‘friends.’ And the only reason why Church even has a body now is because I found him one. I brought him back to Command and now you have him back, just like you wanted. Why don’t you trust me?”  
  
“I don’t know, dude,” Tucker said sarcastically. “Maybe because you decommissioned Lopez and murdered Donut in cold blood to find out where we were. Maybe because after whatever you did to Simmons, he and Grif can’t look you in the eye. Maybe because instead of fighting those aliens, all you Freelancers had to do was look at them the wrong way and they turned tail. Maybe because when you finally showed up and Church recognized you, he fucking broke down.” He felt the familiar lump rise in his throat.  
  
“That wasn’t Church. The Alpha was still in the Meta at that point.”  
  
“No, fuck that. Epsilon was the only part of Church that I had left – that  _any of us_  had left. And you came along and you crashed his fucking drive, or whatever you want to call it. Just by walking into the Temple, you broke him.” He turned back to watching the Child at play, hoping that it would calm him down or, at the very least, keep Wash from seeing the tears in his eyes. “Yeah, he needed to get his memories back. But not like that. He didn’t deserve what you did to him.”  
  
“I made it up to him,” Wash pointed out, surly. “I hosted him until we could get back to Command. I hosted Epsilon when I swore I would never host an AI again after what he did to me.”  
  
“Yeah, you hosted the Alpha, too, and look how well that one turned out.” Tucker’s hands had unconsciously clenched into fists at his sides, and he had to force himself to relax so his knuckles wouldn’t pop out of his skin.  
  
“He started it,” Wash said, sounding for all the world like a petulant teenager. “Epsilon was the one who killed himself in my head.”  
  
“Probably so he could get the fuck away from you,” Tucker sniped back.  
  
He supposed that remark had actually stung, because Wash was silent for nearly a minute as they both stared at Tucker’s team members. His next words were hesitant and full of self-hatred. “I loved him.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Epsilon. We were… we were close. Not as close as York and Delta, but…” He swallowed, hard, and when he next spoke, his voice was wobbly. “We shared everything. We had to – he was in my head. And he just passed along one bad memory after another, and I knew I had to do something. So I made him a promise that I couldn’t keep. And because of that, he killed himself. It was my fault.”  
  
“Yeah? So what was this to you? A way to get him back?” Tucker spat out.  
  
“A way to make good on my promise. I went into the Recovery force, hoping to either collect enough of the AI myself to rebuild the Alpha personality or take down the person stealing them before I could get to them.” Tucker glanced out of the corner of his eye; Wash was fingering the thin scar on his face. “I found the Alpha, but then I lost him, too. I told him to get out and get in the Meta, and then I… I almost killed him, Tucker. In fact, it wasn’t until I made the deal with the Chairman that I realized I could fix this mess.”  
  
“You haven’t fixed it,” Tucker said as he watched Church, that body that belonged to his lover but with a personality he didn’t recognize. “You just passed along the problem. Now I have to deal with it. Nice job breaking it, hero.”  
  
Wash was once again silent for a long time, and Tucker could hear the idle sounds of the Freelancer plucking blades of grass out of the ground over the distant laughter of the Child and Caboose as they frolicked in and out of the grove. The deadness of his tone when he did speak took Tucker by surprise. “I know how to fix it. But I know he won’t let me.”  
  
“What do you mean, he won’t let you?”  
  
“I broke a promise to Epsilon and he killed himself in my head. I asked Alpha for a favor and nearly ended up killing him. I’m pretty sure those two don’t want me anywhere near Church ever again – and that’s not even speaking for Delta and all the others I should have protected.” He sighed. “He seems to trust you for some reason, though.”  
  
“We’ve been through a lot,” Tucker admitted. He hoped Wash got the gist and would back off of his territory. “I was the one who found the relic to house him in until he had this new body. And back when he was just the Alpha, we…” He found he couldn’t complete the sentence, but the statement still stood.  
  
“I gathered as much.” And when Tucker looked over at the Freelancer again, he saw a wry, self-depreciatory smile on that preternaturally aged face as he looked on at the scene in front of him. “The implantation process was rough on both of us.”  
  
And with that simple turn of phrase, Tucker’s hackles were raised. “How rough?”  
  
“Let’s just say that we both ended up sharing a little more than we first intended.” And that stupid smile didn’t go away on the Freelancer’s face, instead being complemented by a sudden blush.  
  
If it were anyone other than Church that Wash was talking about, Tucker would have said his catchphrase. As it was, he just felt jealous and slightly nauseated. “Probably confused him with Epsilon,” he griped.  
  
“No, the Alpha is… special.” And Tucker turned his head back to watch Church climbing into Caboose’s hold for a piggyback ride, the two Blues conspiring together to catch as many fireflies as they could. “I need your help with something.”  
  
“Hell no, dude,” Tucker said reflexively. “Whatever you want done, do it yourself.”  
  
“I can’t do this. I need you to… to put Church back together. To make sure the Alpha’s integrating his personalities like he should.”  
  
Tucker knew the Freelancer must be looking at him with a pleading look in his eye, but he couldn’t agree. Not that easily, anyway. “You break it, you buy it,” he said callously.  
  
“The Alpha isn’t a machine; he’s not something to be bought. He was never just a program. You can break human beings, but you can’t win them back. Not without their consent. And Church wants nothing to do with me. Yet he trusts you.” Wash tugged up a few more blades of grass, one by one. “And if Alpha can trust you – if Epsilon can trust you – then I think I can trust you, too.”  
  
“Yeah, well, that trust thing has to go both ways. And after what you’ve done, you’re shit outta luck with me.” Tucker didn’t mean to be so cynical, but he had just gotten Church back, and if Wash’s advice was just going to break him again… he didn’t want to think about what would happen next.  
  
“I know how to coach him to integrate again.” The sentence hung in an awkward silence. Tucker didn’t want to admit that he was listening to Wash’s plan, but he needed to know what he could do to get the old Church back. “Can you at least pay attention?”  
  
“Yeah, yeah, whatever.”  
  
“All right.” Tucker heard Wash fumbling in one of his armor slots for a few seconds before the Freelancer was grabbing his hand and pushing a small memory card into his now-open palm. “This is all the research I have on what happened when they broke the Alpha. To put him back together, you’re going to have to… well, show him that he can trust people. Don’t let him take on too much responsibility – the Alpha loves to be in control, but he needs to learn how to control himself before he can be the Blue Team C.O. again. Make sure he sleeps well. He’ll need a lot of rest, and he’ll probably have some pretty bad nightmares for the next while.”  
  
“Yeah, and how do I show him he can trust people again?” Tucker asked bitterly.  
  
Wash shrugged. “Intimacy. Delta’s going to reject it out of hand, of course, because of York, but he’ll come around. And once he does, it’s only a matter of time until you can convince the others. The more each of them trusts you, the more the Alpha can integrate them back into being a whole person again.”  
  
Tucker just stared at the Freelancer for a few seconds. “Let me get this straight. I have to fuck him until he’s fixed?”  
  
“Do you have a better plan?” Wash asked bitterly.  
  
Tucker just smiled in return. “No, man. This is the best job I’ve ever had. Bow-chicka…”  
  
“Don’t get too excited. It won’t be easy.” And Wash slowly stood, still holding his helmet in his hands.  
  
“Wait, where are you going?” Tucker was figuring he’d have to put up with the Freelancer at the base, almost as a replacement for Tex’s constant annoyance.  
  
“There are still fragments out there that I haven’t recovered yet,” Wash pointed out. “And I have to stay on the run from the Chairman – when he finds out that Church is still out here, he’s going to try and put me back in prison.”  
  
“So you’re just going to leave us here?” As much as he hated Wash, his advice had been the best news he’d had in a long time, and he would have appreciated having someone around who at least pretended to know what he was doing.  
  
“Church deserves to be whole. And as long as you do your part, and I do mine… he’ll be okay.” He reached down to put a hand on Tucker’s shoulder, and he looked up into the Freelancer’s face. “Will it be all right if I say goodbye?”  
  
“Do whatever, man,” Tucker said dismissively. At least he wouldn’t have to compete with Wash for Church’s attention.  
  
And then Wash was gone from his side, leaping down from the small cliff and splashing down into the river as he ran towards the two Blues, who were now on their backs in the small grove of trees pointing out constellations to one another. Tucker couldn’t hear the conversation going on between Church and Caboose, but he could see Church sitting up when Wash interrupted, a confused expression on his face. Then he watched as Church burst into tears at something Wash said, leading the Freelancer to put a hand on his shoulder to stop the outburst. Church eventually calmed down and nodded assent to something Wash asked. Wash pushed Church’s fringe away from his face to plant a kiss on his forehead, and then he straightened and turned around. Even from this far away, Tucker could tell his eyes were more than a little moist.  
  
Then the Freelancer was running back to his side. “He needs someone right now. He didn’t take it too well when I told him I had to leave.”  
  
“Fine,” Tucker grumbled. He didn’t want Wash telling him what to do, even though he already wanted to comfort Church. Besides, the asshole had made Church cry. But before Wash could get to the Warthog, Tucker called after him, “Where are you going?”  
  
“Zanzibar,” Wash yelled back as he entered the driver’s seat.  
  
“When are you coming back?” Please let him say never, Tucker thought.  
  
“If I find anything, you’ll know.” And then the Warthog’s engines revved up, and Wash drove towards Red Base and the beach that would lead to the matching coast at Zanzibar.  
  
Once the Warthog was out of hearing range, Tucker thought he would be left alone to watch his teammates chasing fireflies, but no, he had to be interrupted again. “Man, that guy is a douche.”  
  
“Hey, Grif. Why are you awake?”  
  
“Well, I wasn’t, until Wash started yelling.” He took a seat next to Tucker on the ledge, not seeming to care that he was shirtless and in shorts in the cool night air. The two of them watched Church and Caboose in silence for a few moments, until Grif asked, “Do you think he’s going to be okay?”  
  
“Don’t tell me you’re actually worried about Wash,” Tucker said, letting his head fall into his hands as he stared unabashedly at Church.  
  
“Of course not. I couldn’t care less if that guy was eaten by an Elite. After what he did to Simmons…” Tucker didn’t need to look over to know that Grif was shaking with rage. “I meant Church,” he continued once his voice was calmer.  
  
“I don’t know. I really don’t know,” Tucker admitted. It was weird enough watching Church’s body acting friendly with a person that the Alpha hated, and even weirder to know that there were more personalities waiting to surface, waiting to integrate. “How did you do it? Get Simmons back to functioning?”  
  
Grif chuckled hollowly. “He’s still not one hundred percent. He couldn’t stop shaking until he heard the Warthog drive into the water. I don’t know if he’ll ever be all right again, but… I have to hope. And in the meantime, I’m just very… patient.”  
  
“You’re a fucking saint, man. I don’t know how you do it.” If there had been any whiskey around, he would have toasted the other man.  
  
“You’ll get the hang of it eventually,” Grif reassured him. “Besides, aren’t you a dad? You should know all about stuff like this.”  
  
“Not really. I’m just as in the dark as you are.” They both watched Church and Caboose playing tag in the trees for a few more moments. “Simmons is probably wondering where you are.”  
  
“Right.” Grif yawned as he stood. “You ever need someone to talk to… I’m here for you.”  
  
“Thanks.” But when he turned to clap the other soldier’s shoulder, he had already disappeared into the night, sneaking back to Red Base. “Dammit.”  
  
But as it turned out, no one was planning on leaving him alone any time soon. This time, it was Church calling out his name, excited beyond belief at whatever he had trapped between his cupped hands. “Tucker! Tucker Tucker Tucker Tucker Tucker! Look at this!”  
  
And then Church’s hands were in front of his face, and between his fingers Tucker could see the glow of a firefly, trapped and waiting to take off and show the world its brightness. “Good job, man.”  
  
“Can I keep it?”  
  
Tucker looked up into Church’s eyes; they were glowing with a childlike enthusiasm, and he knew he had to say something. “Sure, why not. Come back to the base with me and we’ll give it a home, all right?” And he led Church back to Blue Base, wondering if everything would really be all right after all.


End file.
